“Hope is all that we have. If you lose that, you lose everything. Don’t ever lose hope.”

A really good friend of mine told me this when I was going through some really rough times not too long ago. It helped me a lot. It helped me to know that he really cared about me. It made me not do something really stupid. It wasn’t just that line though, it was everything that he said. I could tell that he was going to be there for me no matter. All of the things that he said made a lot of sense to me too even though they were not what I wanted to hear. He told me that if I were to end my own life it would be incredibly selfish and that everyone in my life (i.e. parents, friends, him) would be completely devastated. I argued with him that they would eventually forget about me and be perfectly fine. He said that he couldn’t believe that I was actually so messed up that I would say such a thing. At the time, just knowing that he was there helped immensely but what he was saying couldn’t change the way I felt and what I wanted to do. Right now I am so thankful to him. He made me promise that I wouldn’t do anything to seriously hurt myself. This was the hardest promise that I have ever had to make. I almost didn’t but eventually I just gave in and made the promise. The next week was so hard. So many times I just wanted to call it quits and down a bottle of pills. Every time I would go to do this I would stop and think about that promise that I made to him and I would tell myself, “Not yet. Just one more day.” Now my meds are finally working and I am going to therapy once a week and doing a whole lot better. If I hadn’t made him that promise though, I don’t know where I’d be right now nor do I want to think about it.

I don’t know what’s going to happen down the road but I really hope that I can keep my promise to him. Now I know that it really would devastate those who care about me and I know I wouldn’t want to do that. 

“People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. People will never forget how you made them feel.”

“Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.” – Albert Einstein

“What makes life worth living is knowing that one day you’ll wake up and find the person that makes you happier than anything in the whole world. So don’t ever lose hope and give up, everything turns out okay and the good guy always wins.”
(Not sure if I agree with that one but it sounds good.) 

“I think of life as a good book. The further you get into it, the more it begins to make sense.” — Harold Kushner

“Live this day as if it will be your last. Remember that you will only find ”tomorrow” on the calendars of fools. Forget yesterday’s defeats and ignore the problems of tomorrow. This is it. Doomsday. All you have. Make it the best day of your year. The saddest words you can ever utter are, ”If I had my life to live over again. ”Take the baton, now. Run with it! This is your day! Beginning today, treat everyone you meet, friend or foe, loved one or stranger, as if they were going to be dead at midnight. Extend to each person, no matter how trivial the contact, all the care and kindness and understanding and love that you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“We can have in life but one great experience at best, and the secret of life is to reproduce that experience as often as possible.”
– Oscar Wilde

“You must constantly ask yourself these questions: Who am I around? What are they doing to me? What have they got me reading? What have they got me saying? Where do they have me going? What do they have me thinking? And most important, what do they have me becoming? Then ask yourself the big question: Is that okay? Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.”
– Jim Rohn

“Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it.”

         Christmas time is generally a time when people spend time with people they love. With me, I do love my family I suppose, but I would much rather not be with them. For the most part, they just remind me of death. They all sit around after presents, talking about all of the newest deaths in the family and among friends. Some of the people talking about these things look like they should be dead themselves. Their hair is white and falling out, their skin is falling off, their memory is fading and they are always mean and cranky. All I can think about when I am near them is, “Is that how I’m going to  be?”  The whole thing is really depressing.

I no longer have a “best friend”, nor do I want one ever again. All that a “best friend” was to me was someone that I would always be there for and do practically anything for and who would do absolutely nothing for me. If I had a problem or needed someone to talk to, tough shit. Not like they ever cared. One time, about two weeks after my boyfriend broke up with me and I was asking my “best friend” at the time for advice, her response was, “I would never be in that situation. I don’t know.” This is the drug addict, alcoholic, lying slut that I was always standing up for and protecting and she couldn’t even fake it for one minute and try to help me out.

“Best friends” are highly overrated and will ultimately end up disappointing and deserting you in the end.

* I got this in an e-mail and thought I would share it. I like the first one the best. *

Three things in life that, once gone, never come back:

1. Time

2. Words

3. Opportunity

Three things in life that can destroy a person:

1. Anger

2. Pride

3. Unforgiveness

(I don’t think that’s really a word.)

Three things in life that you should never lose:

1. Hope

2. Peace

3. Honesty

Three things in life that are most valuable:

1. Love

2. Family &Friends

3. Kindness

Three things in life that are never certain:

1. Fortune

2. Success

3. Dreams

Three things that make a person:

1. Commitment

2. Sincerity

3. Hard work

* I just got this in an e-mail that someone sent to me and thought it was cute. Hope you like it. :] *

 You may not realize it, but it’s 100% true.

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be

just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’t

like you.

5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. You are special and unique.

8. Someone that you don’t even know exists loves you.

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take another

look.

11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude

remarks.

So ,,,

Happiness keeps You Sweet,

Trials keep You Strong,

Sorrows keep You Human,

Failures keeps You Humble,

Success keeps You Glowing,

But Only God keeps You Going

Why is it that when someone you love lies to you, it has the power to completely destroy you? What is so powerful about the truth, that we will do anything to obtain it, no matter the consequence? Lets say that you know something that would completely destroy someone if you told them. Is it better to lie?

A friend of mine once said “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can load a bullet.” 

It is one thing to have someone you love to lash out and hit you, and it is another for them to look you in the eye and blatantly lie to you face, without even the slightest hint of remorse. It is even worse when they are lying to you, and you know it. You know it right then, but you can’t say anything. You just freeze. How can they possibly lie to you like that? Especially after everything that you have been through together and after everything that you’ve done for them?? It’s insane! It’s just as bad, if not worse, than having them pull out a knife, look you in the eye and plunge it into your side. 

Today, Martha could tell that I was mad at her. I would have been worried if she couldn’t, it was pretty obvious. She wanted to talk after school in front of all her other friends, but I opted to wait and talk on the phone later. When I got home she called me. We talked for a little while and she told me that she no longer does drugs, never sold them (lie), and that the only thing she ever lied to be about was the drugs (another lie). I’m not sure if she is lying about not doing drugs anymore but I am pretty certain that she is. I mean, what are the odds that right when I go to talk to her about it is right after she “quit”?? Especially when out friendship is on the line??

Ugh, I don’t know what I am going to do. I never said anything about not hanging out anymore because she just kept saying that she no longer did any of that stuff. I think we might talk again tomorrow. 

It’s complicated because on the one hand I still want to be her friend. On the other, I don’t. I’m not sure what I am going to do, but whatever it is I need to do it soon. My birthday is coming up (tomorrow) and I don’t really want to do it after, especially if she gets me something, because then it will seem like I was waiting until after I got something (present/gift) to talk to her and break it off, which I definitely am not doing!!

 Pretty soon, I will be best friendless. It’s pretty sad but something that has to happen.

            My best friend (we’ll call her Martha) is a druggie and drug dealer. She has always kept me out of it (which is somewhat good I guess) by lying to me constantly (not so good). Lately however, Martha has become a lot sloppier than usual. She has been selling stuff in front of me (somewhat sneakily) but not quite as sneakily as she used to be.

            She also thinks that she is all that when really she isn’t. She doesn’t care about anyone but herself and doesn’t get that what she does and says effects other people.

            The main things that bug me about her are: 1. The drugs (obviously) and 2. The lying. Lying is the one thing that really bugs me. I cannot stand people who lie. She knows this and yet she lies to me constantly and thinks that I am so stupid that I won’t find out or know right then.

            The other day at school, this guy (we’ll call him Tony) came up to me and was like, “Martha told me that you just figured out that she smokes pot last week.”

            I was like, “I just found out? I’ve known for almost two years now!” 

            Tony, “Oh my God! Are you serious? You’re smart! She thinks your stupid!”

            Me, “What happened a week ago?”

            I think I do know what it may have been that happened a while ago though. Martha and I were going on a walk around my neighbourhood when she was telling me how her boyfriend (Eric) had left one of his CDs in his friend Mike’s car. About an hour later her phone began to ring and she informed me that Mike was in the neighbourhood and we were going to walk over to where he was and get the CD from him. When we spotted him, she walked up to the car, he quickly slipped something into her hand, and she then stuck it into her pocket. When she came back over to where I was, I said, “Wow. That must be a really small CD.”  Martha just looked scared for a second, gathered her thoughts (lies) and then said, “ *laughs* Oh yea. Eric wanted me to pick up his stuff for him. Mike couldn’t drive all the way over there and we were close.” (She knew that I knew about Eric smoking) Then I was like, “ YOU WILL NEVER HAVE DRUGS DELIVERED TO MY HOUSE EVER AGAIN! YOU WILL NEVER BRING THEM INTO MY HOUSE AGAIN! IF YOU DO AND I FIND OUT, YOU WILL NEVER COME OVER EVER AGAIN!”  She then looked a bit worried, but just laughed and said, “I’ve never brought anything to your house. This is the first time and I’m just doing it for Eric.”

            She never once thought about what would happen to me if my parents found it. She never once considered that just by me being around her, I sometimes smelled like pot too and could get into a lot of trouble.

            I know that it seems like the obvious choice to just drop her as a friend and move on. The thing is though, we have been friends for about four years now and are pretty much like family. I am done with it though. I am done with her. I still care about her and do not want to see her end up dead, in jail, or in any other sort of trouble, but I do want her family to wise up and get her the help she needs.

            If anyone has any advice or has been in a similar situation, please let me know. I will try and keep this as updated as possible and am planning on talking to her sometime this week. Hopefully.

            [This is the friend I talked about in ““How To Save A Friend From Themselves" and “Last Night”.]