While chatting with a good friend of mine the other day, she shared some really great/interesting/dark/witty quotes with me. I loved them so much, I thought I would share them with all of you!!

“Look long enough into the abyss, the abyss looks into you.”
- Nietchze

“The coroner will find ink in my veins and blood on my typewriter keys.”
- C. Astrid Weber

“…the ones for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue center light pop and everyone goes ‘Awww!’”
- Jack Kerouac

“There is a glimmer of eternity about our lives. In the vastness of time and space, our lives are indeed small and ephemeral, yet not utterly insignificant. Our lives do matter. Because we are the kinds of creatures who make music and create art, we are not merely disconnected fragments of the universe but at some level reflect the beauty and splendor of the whole. And because all life shares in One Spirit, we can recognize this indwelling beauty in all other creatures.”
- Gary A. Kowalski

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life.” – Mary Oliver

“The universe shivers with wonder in the depths of the human.” – Brian Swimme

“Imagination is more important than knowledge.” – Einstein

Today, Martha could tell that I was mad at her. I would have been worried if she couldn’t, it was pretty obvious. She wanted to talk after school in front of all her other friends, but I opted to wait and talk on the phone later. When I got home she called me. We talked for a little while and she told me that she no longer does drugs, never sold them (lie), and that the only thing she ever lied to be about was the drugs (another lie). I’m not sure if she is lying about not doing drugs anymore but I am pretty certain that she is. I mean, what are the odds that right when I go to talk to her about it is right after she “quit”?? Especially when out friendship is on the line??

Ugh, I don’t know what I am going to do. I never said anything about not hanging out anymore because she just kept saying that she no longer did any of that stuff. I think we might talk again tomorrow. 

It’s complicated because on the one hand I still want to be her friend. On the other, I don’t. I’m not sure what I am going to do, but whatever it is I need to do it soon. My birthday is coming up (tomorrow) and I don’t really want to do it after, especially if she gets me something, because then it will seem like I was waiting until after I got something (present/gift) to talk to her and break it off, which I definitely am not doing!!

So I’ve finally decided, I’m going to talk to her tomorrow. I’m not sure exactly when that will happen (like during lunch, right after school, on the phone tomorrow night, etc.) but I am pretty sure that it will happen tomorrow. Right now I am trying really hard to concentrate and work on my report that is due tomorrow along with a project and presentation, but I just keep thinking about this. What am I going to say? How will she take it? Will she try and threat to tell people things that I have done? (I have never done drugs.) This is just so confusing and so complicated. Two things that I really hate. 

 Pretty soon, I will be best friendless. It’s pretty sad but something that has to happen.

            My best friend (we’ll call her Martha) is a druggie and drug dealer. She has always kept me out of it (which is somewhat good I guess) by lying to me constantly (not so good). Lately however, Martha has become a lot sloppier than usual. She has been selling stuff in front of me (somewhat sneakily) but not quite as sneakily as she used to be.

            She also thinks that she is all that when really she isn’t. She doesn’t care about anyone but herself and doesn’t get that what she does and says effects other people.

            The main things that bug me about her are: 1. The drugs (obviously) and 2. The lying. Lying is the one thing that really bugs me. I cannot stand people who lie. She knows this and yet she lies to me constantly and thinks that I am so stupid that I won’t find out or know right then.

            The other day at school, this guy (we’ll call him Tony) came up to me and was like, “Martha told me that you just figured out that she smokes pot last week.”

            I was like, “I just found out? I’ve known for almost two years now!” 

            Tony, “Oh my God! Are you serious? You’re smart! She thinks your stupid!”

            Me, “What happened a week ago?”

            I think I do know what it may have been that happened a while ago though. Martha and I were going on a walk around my neighbourhood when she was telling me how her boyfriend (Eric) had left one of his CDs in his friend Mike’s car. About an hour later her phone began to ring and she informed me that Mike was in the neighbourhood and we were going to walk over to where he was and get the CD from him. When we spotted him, she walked up to the car, he quickly slipped something into her hand, and she then stuck it into her pocket. When she came back over to where I was, I said, “Wow. That must be a really small CD.”  Martha just looked scared for a second, gathered her thoughts (lies) and then said, “ *laughs* Oh yea. Eric wanted me to pick up his stuff for him. Mike couldn’t drive all the way over there and we were close.” (She knew that I knew about Eric smoking) Then I was like, “ YOU WILL NEVER HAVE DRUGS DELIVERED TO MY HOUSE EVER AGAIN! YOU WILL NEVER BRING THEM INTO MY HOUSE AGAIN! IF YOU DO AND I FIND OUT, YOU WILL NEVER COME OVER EVER AGAIN!”  She then looked a bit worried, but just laughed and said, “I’ve never brought anything to your house. This is the first time and I’m just doing it for Eric.”

            She never once thought about what would happen to me if my parents found it. She never once considered that just by me being around her, I sometimes smelled like pot too and could get into a lot of trouble.

            I know that it seems like the obvious choice to just drop her as a friend and move on. The thing is though, we have been friends for about four years now and are pretty much like family. I am done with it though. I am done with her. I still care about her and do not want to see her end up dead, in jail, or in any other sort of trouble, but I do want her family to wise up and get her the help she needs.

            If anyone has any advice or has been in a similar situation, please let me know. I will try and keep this as updated as possible and am planning on talking to her sometime this week. Hopefully.

            [This is the friend I talked about in ““How To Save A Friend From Themselves" and “Last Night”.] 

Wow it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything. Well here’s an update on the long distance relationship thing:

Me and him have been going out for about a month now. It’s going good though the other day I received my phone bill and almost had a heart attack. That is to be expected though so I can’t complain. He has been away in another country for the last two weeks and I have only been able to talk to him once or twice. **tear**

Oh, and my friend that I talked about in January is doing well. She has a boyfriend who could be better, but at least she isn’t sneaking off to be with someone that no one knows and doing God knows what.

Hmm … don’t really know what else to say. Anyone seen any good movies lately?