So this morning I talked to an old friend and I guess my boyfriend is going through a lot more than he lets on. He really just wanted to keep me out of a lot of stuff to protect me and my feelings (or that is what I am choosing to believe) and he just needs to learn that he can’t do that. He is not superman. People need other people to help them and to talk to about things. I mean seriously, if you can’t tell your girlfriend things then who can you talk to??

 She also told me that he has depression issues and generally pushes the people who love him most away when he is going through rough times. He has never done this to me before so I guess this means he really cares?? Or maybe I am just in denial and can’t let go of him and really need to. I don’t know what to think right now. If I don’t hear from him within a few days then I suppose I will have no choice but to move on. Just not yet.

 It’s not as if I have no other options. I have been asked out more times since I’ve been with him than any other time in my life. I just want him. 

So that whole long distance relationship was going pretty well for a while. Now all of a sudden he doesn’t call me anymore and when I call him (if he answers) he’ll talk to me for about ten minutes and then say that he has to go and will call me back later, which he never does. He is pissing me off! Then this morning he is all cranky and makes it sound like we are over but then he just sounds emo so I’m not sure what I’m supposed to think. This other guy asked me out and I was going to say “yes” but then my “boyfriend” made it seem like we are still together… so confusing!! If anyone has any advice on what to do please let me know. If he hasn’t already broken up with me I think I may end it… this would be so much easier if I hated him. -.- 

Last night, I went to Starbucks with some friends and then to the movies to see Jumper which was awesome! After that we went to Starbucks again and then the person who was going to give me a ride decided to leave early and I was just going to go home with another friend and her boyfriend since I didn’t want to leave right then. After about thirty minutes of being at Starbucks we were leaving to go to my house. Then my friend’s boyfriend got a phone call from his sister saying to come home really quick to help her with something, or so they told me. When we got there they were all sitting around a table smoking pot. My friend and her boyfriend joined in and looked as if they expected me to do the same. At this point, instead of saying anything, I pretended that my phone was ringing and went outside. When I went back in I told them that it was my Dad and that I needed to get home as soon as possible and that he was pissed. Having this information, they took a few more puffs and we left. The ride home was a scary one. We almost got into about seven crashes and once we got to my house they wanted to go in and explain to my Dad that it was her boyfriend’s fault because he had to help his sister with something. This scared me to death! They smelled horribly of pot and were acting funny. Once I finally convinced them that I could handle it I went inside and realized that I also smelled and my eyes were red. My parents came over to talk to me and I said that I did not feel well and ran upstairs.

Now I feel like such a coward for not saying anything to my friends. I knew where we were going and what they were going to do even though they were lying to me and I just went with it. When we were there I also said nothing. I just acted like it was completely normal and like I was used to it, but the truth was that I was scared to death. They have invited me back and to a few other places this weekend and I told them that I cannot go because I have other plans that I cannot get out of. I know that I need to talk to her but I do not know what to say and I am afraid of losing her as a friend though she obviously is not the type of friend that I need in my life right now. I am planning on talking to her soon … I just don’t know when yet.

Wish me luck!

“It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends. ”   Albus Dumbledore