I no longer have a “best friend”, nor do I want one ever again. All that a “best friend” was to me was someone that I would always be there for and do practically anything for and who would do absolutely nothing for me. If I had a problem or needed someone to talk to, tough shit. Not like they ever cared. One time, about two weeks after my boyfriend broke up with me and I was asking my “best friend” at the time for advice, her response was, “I would never be in that situation. I don’t know.” This is the drug addict, alcoholic, lying slut that I was always standing up for and protecting and she couldn’t even fake it for one minute and try to help me out.

“Best friends” are highly overrated and will ultimately end up disappointing and deserting you in the end.

My therapist wants me to get on Wellbutrin so he set up an appointment for me with a psychiatrist this week. I was curious about it so I have been doing some research and looking at all of the side effects and reading some blogs and stuff and it seems pretty scary. Has anyone on here been on it or another antidepressant? Any info would be great. I am really nervous. When I go in for the appointment I also have to get some blood tests done and I am deathly afraid of needles. Not looking forward to it. But hopefully I will get on the meds and it will help. As it is right now my parents won’t leave me home alone cuz they’re scared that I’m going to kill myself. It’s pretty dumb. I have been severely depressed for five years but this is the first time they’ve heard about it since they have to sign for me to be able to get the meds and my therapist wanted to talk to them about it.

Anyhoo, any advice and/or information would be wonderful. Thanx, Gemma. :]  

So, I currently have a boyfriend who lives about 20 minutes away and we both have somewhat hectic schedules but so far, we have been pretty good about making it work. That is until this week. We were supposed to see eachother last Sunday but then I had a family emergency and it wouldn’t work. He is busy Monday though Wednesday of every week with work related stuff so I wouldn’t be able to see him again until Thursday– exactly a week since I’d last seen him. This will be the longest we have ever gone without seeing eachother. To add to it, we haven’t really talked now for four days. Yesterday I called him and five minutes into the conversation he said that he had to get back to work and would call  me that night. Then at 3:30am. I get a text saying that he is going to bed and will call me when he wakes up. Now he is awake and online but not saying anything to me. I have to know, does this mean something or am I just being paranoid?? 

I remember not too long ago when we hadn’t seen eachother for four days and he was saying how it had been way too long and that he couldn’t handle it. Now we haven’t even talked in four days and he doesn’t seem to care. 

About two weeks ago he told me that he was falling in love with me. I didn’t know what to say at the time. I had thought that I was in love before and it turned out horribly. I really really liked my boyfriend but just wasn’t ready to use the “L” word yet. Then in the beginning of this week, I realized that I really do love him and am just scared of what that means. It means that he can hurt me. It means that I have gotten in way over my head and now there is no way out. I also realized that I’m not really scared of being in love and what that means, I am afraid of rejection. What if one day he wakes up and realizes that maybe he really doesn’t love me? What if he meets someone else and just forgets all about me? That would be horrible. Especially after I’ve told him that I love him. I have never told anyone that before. Maybe I’m just being ridiculous. I don’t know. But I was going to tell him last Monday when he was supposed to call me, but he didn’t. Then I was going to tell him Tuesday but during our 5-10 minute conversation he sounded really tired and then said that he was going to go to bed and call me the next day (which he didn’t). I called him the next day and once again he couldn’t really talk and failed to call me that night like he promised. Now I don’t even know if I want to tell him. Maybe he is having second thoughts. Maybe he is seeing someone else… but I don’t think he would do that. I just don’t even know anymore…

Any advice would be wonderful. Any at all. 

So I’ve finally decided, I’m going to talk to her tomorrow. I’m not sure exactly when that will happen (like during lunch, right after school, on the phone tomorrow night, etc.) but I am pretty sure that it will happen tomorrow. Right now I am trying really hard to concentrate and work on my report that is due tomorrow along with a project and presentation, but I just keep thinking about this. What am I going to say? How will she take it? Will she try and threat to tell people things that I have done? (I have never done drugs.) This is just so confusing and so complicated. Two things that I really hate. 

 Pretty soon, I will be best friendless. It’s pretty sad but something that has to happen.

            My best friend (we’ll call her Martha) is a druggie and drug dealer. She has always kept me out of it (which is somewhat good I guess) by lying to me constantly (not so good). Lately however, Martha has become a lot sloppier than usual. She has been selling stuff in front of me (somewhat sneakily) but not quite as sneakily as she used to be.

            She also thinks that she is all that when really she isn’t. She doesn’t care about anyone but herself and doesn’t get that what she does and says effects other people.

            The main things that bug me about her are: 1. The drugs (obviously) and 2. The lying. Lying is the one thing that really bugs me. I cannot stand people who lie. She knows this and yet she lies to me constantly and thinks that I am so stupid that I won’t find out or know right then.

            The other day at school, this guy (we’ll call him Tony) came up to me and was like, “Martha told me that you just figured out that she smokes pot last week.”

            I was like, “I just found out? I’ve known for almost two years now!” 

            Tony, “Oh my God! Are you serious? You’re smart! She thinks your stupid!”

            Me, “What happened a week ago?”

            I think I do know what it may have been that happened a while ago though. Martha and I were going on a walk around my neighbourhood when she was telling me how her boyfriend (Eric) had left one of his CDs in his friend Mike’s car. About an hour later her phone began to ring and she informed me that Mike was in the neighbourhood and we were going to walk over to where he was and get the CD from him. When we spotted him, she walked up to the car, he quickly slipped something into her hand, and she then stuck it into her pocket. When she came back over to where I was, I said, “Wow. That must be a really small CD.”  Martha just looked scared for a second, gathered her thoughts (lies) and then said, “ *laughs* Oh yea. Eric wanted me to pick up his stuff for him. Mike couldn’t drive all the way over there and we were close.” (She knew that I knew about Eric smoking) Then I was like, “ YOU WILL NEVER HAVE DRUGS DELIVERED TO MY HOUSE EVER AGAIN! YOU WILL NEVER BRING THEM INTO MY HOUSE AGAIN! IF YOU DO AND I FIND OUT, YOU WILL NEVER COME OVER EVER AGAIN!”  She then looked a bit worried, but just laughed and said, “I’ve never brought anything to your house. This is the first time and I’m just doing it for Eric.”

            She never once thought about what would happen to me if my parents found it. She never once considered that just by me being around her, I sometimes smelled like pot too and could get into a lot of trouble.

            I know that it seems like the obvious choice to just drop her as a friend and move on. The thing is though, we have been friends for about four years now and are pretty much like family. I am done with it though. I am done with her. I still care about her and do not want to see her end up dead, in jail, or in any other sort of trouble, but I do want her family to wise up and get her the help she needs.

            If anyone has any advice or has been in a similar situation, please let me know. I will try and keep this as updated as possible and am planning on talking to her sometime this week. Hopefully.

            [This is the friend I talked about in ““How To Save A Friend From Themselves" and “Last Night”.] 

So this morning I talked to an old friend and I guess my boyfriend is going through a lot more than he lets on. He really just wanted to keep me out of a lot of stuff to protect me and my feelings (or that is what I am choosing to believe) and he just needs to learn that he can’t do that. He is not superman. People need other people to help them and to talk to about things. I mean seriously, if you can’t tell your girlfriend things then who can you talk to??

 She also told me that he has depression issues and generally pushes the people who love him most away when he is going through rough times. He has never done this to me before so I guess this means he really cares?? Or maybe I am just in denial and can’t let go of him and really need to. I don’t know what to think right now. If I don’t hear from him within a few days then I suppose I will have no choice but to move on. Just not yet.

 It’s not as if I have no other options. I have been asked out more times since I’ve been with him than any other time in my life. I just want him. 

So that whole long distance relationship was going pretty well for a while. Now all of a sudden he doesn’t call me anymore and when I call him (if he answers) he’ll talk to me for about ten minutes and then say that he has to go and will call me back later, which he never does. He is pissing me off! Then this morning he is all cranky and makes it sound like we are over but then he just sounds emo so I’m not sure what I’m supposed to think. This other guy asked me out and I was going to say “yes” but then my “boyfriend” made it seem like we are still together… so confusing!! If anyone has any advice on what to do please let me know. If he hasn’t already broken up with me I think I may end it… this would be so much easier if I hated him. -.-