“When I first saw you, I was afraid to meet you. When I first met you, I was afraid to kiss you. When I first kissed you, I was afraid to love you. But now that I love you, I’m afraid to lose you.” ~Anonymous

“You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose.” – Jo Courdert

The day before yesterday, I broke up with my boyfriend. We had been going out for four months and I like him more than I have ever liked anyone. The only problem was that it was the most difficult and painful relationship that I have ever been in. I am 18 and he just turned 30. He lied to me about being married. He has two kids, one of whom he sees all the time. He was always busy and never had time for me. He made me feel really guilty for wanting to be with him. He has a ton of great qualities though: he made me feel incredibly safe, BEST kisser ever!!, opened doors, super funny, everyone loves him, etc. I don’t really know why it lasted so long or why I’m so sad that it’s over, I just know that it’s for the best and he may be the best guy that I’ll ever meet. I always had to hide him because if my parents found out, they would kick me out and I have absolutely no money to speak of.

I feel horrible because right after I broke up with him, I went to hang out with a friend who ended up kissing me and telling me that he likes me. What’s weirder is that they have the same name. I feel like I shouldn’t be moving on so fast but at the same time, maybe that’s exactly what I need to do. I don’t really like this guy all that much (and he’s a HORRIBLE kisser) but maybe I just need to give him a chance and see where it goes. He is unlike anyone I have ever dated or even liked. Maybe it’s just time for a big change in my life.

Aside from all of that, I am weaning myself off of Klonopin at the moment but haven’t taken it at all in the last three days after taking way too much just the day before that. I am really scared that I’m going to crash again but don’t really know what to do. I don’t want to end up in the ER like last time but don’t want to tell anyone what’s going on. The new guy in my life at the moment, has no idea about any of my problems and I think I want it to stay that way. My last boyfriend knew absolutely everything there was to know about it and it just caused him to worry which probably didn’t help the relationship at all. So maybe, if I just don’t tell this guy, he won’t have anything to worry about and it can maybe last a little bit longer.. I don’t know.. If anyone has any advice on anything, please let me know. I feel like I’m slowly going crazy.

“Dream as if you’ll live forever. . . . . Live as if you’ll die today” — James Dean

“And that is how change happens. One gesture. One person. One moment at a time.” – The Far Sweet Thing, Libba Bray

* Accept that some days you’re the pigeon,

And some days you’re the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet,

Just in case you have to eat them.

* Always wear stuff that will make you look good

If you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be

“Recalled” by their maker.

* If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,

It was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,

Because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can’t dance well.

Just get up and dance.

* When everything’s coming your way,

You’re in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you.

The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world,

But you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons… Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery

on a detour.

Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today

‘Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.’

“Giving up doesn’t always mean u r weak..
sometimes it just means ur strong enough to let go”

What is it about change that is so scary? Is it the unknown or the known? Are we scared about what will happen or what won’t? I’m not sure. It is just starting to hit me that I am now 18 and out of high school. I’m an “adult.” Things will never be the same again. Is that a good thing, a bad thing, or both? I would have to say both. Good because there are many things that I am happy to leave behind but I am very scared about what lies ahead of me. Will I do all right in college? Will I be alone for the rest of my life? Will I make so many mistakes that I can never undo them? I don’t know! 

Don’t Quit

by Author Unknown

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

when the road you’re trudging seems all up hill,

when the funds are low and the debts are high,

and you want to smile but you have to sigh,

when care is pressing you down a bit – rest if you must,

but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns.

As everyone of us sometimes learns.

And many a failure turns about when he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don’t give up though the pace seems slow – you may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than it seems to a faint and faltering man;

often the struggler has given up when he might have captured the victor’s cup;

and he learned too late when the night came down,

how close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out – the silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

and you never can tell how close you are,

it may be near when it seem so far;

so stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit – it’s when things seem worse,

that you must not quit.