I have finally decided that I am going to lose weight. I’m not entirely sure how much just yet but I am thinking somewhere between 10 and 15 pounds. Tonight I googled “obese” images and it was so disturbing that I finally have the motivation I needed to once again make the decision to just do it! I am pretty excited and hope it works.
I am going to have to somehow keep this from my shrink though… not sure how that’s going to work out. Wish me luck!
I recently read this quote somewhere and liked it a lot.
“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.”
What the fuck is wrong with me?! Something is seriously wrong. Every time things start to get better I always fall back down again, harder and faster than before. No matter how good everything is or how long everything is good for, it will always end horribly. I don’t know what to do. Now my parents are telling me that our insurance might change which means changing where we go which means a new therapist, psychiatrist and a new group. I don’t know if I can handle that.
This weekend my 80-year-old Grandma had a stroke and got into a car accident. This is her 3rd stoke and 2nd car accident due to a stroke. Everything is just so messed up. I don’t know what to do.
I read these a while ago and thought they were really cute. Hope you like them.
“Somwhere between all our laughs, long talks, stupid little fights, and all our jokes, I fell in love with you.”
“Isn’t it funny how when someone breaks your heart, you still love them with all the little pieces.”
“Hope is all that we have. If you lose that, you lose everything. Don’t ever lose hope.”
A really good friend of mine told me this when I was going through some really rough times not too long ago. It helped me a lot. It helped me to know that he really cared about me. It made me not do something really stupid. It wasn’t just that line though, it was everything that he said. I could tell that he was going to be there for me no matter. All of the things that he said made a lot of sense to me too even though they were not what I wanted to hear. He told me that if I were to end my own life it would be incredibly selfish and that everyone in my life (i.e. parents, friends, him) would be completely devastated. I argued with him that they would eventually forget about me and be perfectly fine. He said that he couldn’t believe that I was actually so messed up that I would say such a thing. At the time, just knowing that he was there helped immensely but what he was saying couldn’t change the way I felt and what I wanted to do. Right now I am so thankful to him. He made me promise that I wouldn’t do anything to seriously hurt myself. This was the hardest promise that I have ever had to make. I almost didn’t but eventually I just gave in and made the promise. The next week was so hard. So many times I just wanted to call it quits and down a bottle of pills. Every time I would go to do this I would stop and think about that promise that I made to him and I would tell myself, “Not yet. Just one more day.” Now my meds are finally working and I am going to therapy once a week and doing a whole lot better. If I hadn’t made him that promise though, I don’t know where I’d be right now nor do I want to think about it.
I don’t know what’s going to happen down the road but I really hope that I can keep my promise to him. Now I know that it really would devastate those who care about me and I know I wouldn’t want to do that.
“People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. People will never forget how you made them feel.”
