The other day I e-mailed a friend that I haven’t talked to in a really long time. I wasn’t really expecting an e-mail back but he did! I was so happy! I had liked this guy for about 5 years but never told him since he is older and I figured he wasn’t interested. Turns out I was wrong again. He told me that he’s liked me since forever and still does and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I would love to be his girlfriend but the problem is that he is in the army and lives across the US right now. I know that we could make the long distance thing work but I’m not certain. I’ve never done anything like this before. For now I told him that we should just be friends for a few weeks and see how that goes and then maybe we can try moving forward. If you have any advice on this please let me know.

 

Last night, I went to Starbucks with some friends and then to the movies to see Jumper which was awesome! After that we went to Starbucks again and then the person who was going to give me a ride decided to leave early and I was just going to go home with another friend and her boyfriend since I didn’t want to leave right then. After about thirty minutes of being at Starbucks we were leaving to go to my house. Then my friend’s boyfriend got a phone call from his sister saying to come home really quick to help her with something, or so they told me. When we got there they were all sitting around a table smoking pot. My friend and her boyfriend joined in and looked as if they expected me to do the same. At this point, instead of saying anything, I pretended that my phone was ringing and went outside. When I went back in I told them that it was my Dad and that I needed to get home as soon as possible and that he was pissed. Having this information, they took a few more puffs and we left. The ride home was a scary one. We almost got into about seven crashes and once we got to my house they wanted to go in and explain to my Dad that it was her boyfriend’s fault because he had to help his sister with something. This scared me to death! They smelled horribly of pot and were acting funny. Once I finally convinced them that I could handle it I went inside and realized that I also smelled and my eyes were red. My parents came over to talk to me and I said that I did not feel well and ran upstairs.

Now I feel like such a coward for not saying anything to my friends. I knew where we were going and what they were going to do even though they were lying to me and I just went with it. When we were there I also said nothing. I just acted like it was completely normal and like I was used to it, but the truth was that I was scared to death. They have invited me back and to a few other places this weekend and I told them that I cannot go because I have other plans that I cannot get out of. I know that I need to talk to her but I do not know what to say and I am afraid of losing her as a friend though she obviously is not the type of friend that I need in my life right now. I am planning on talking to her soon … I just don’t know when yet.

Wish me luck!

“It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends. ”   Albus Dumbledore

“Every living creature dies alone.” – Donnie Darko

My favourite saying ever is, “Lets make like a baby and head out.” 

“The men may be the head of the house, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants.” – My Big Fat Greek Wedding 

I remember when I was little, I was such an individual. If I bought a pair of shoes and then my friend bought the exact same ones, I would stop wearing them all together just because of the simple fact that I was no longer the only one at school who owned them. I also remember thinking how dumb people were if they cared about what other people thought of them. I never got why it mattered what they thought about me. If I liked myself and was comfortable with the way that I looked and acted them that was all that mattered. Because of this I was very popular at my schools for good reasons, not bad reasons like the way that people want to be popular today.Also because of my individualism, I never understood things like cutting and eating disorders. I found it ridiculous that if someone made someone else mad, then instead of talking about it or just completely ignoring it like a normal person, they would go home and slice their arm up. And if a girl was looking at a magazine and saw a model, they would think, “Gee,I wish I looked like that. *sigh*” and then they would do everything possible to look like that. Throwing up for example is the most disgusting way to lose weight that I can possibly think of. Sure you would get to eat a whole lot of crap and then just puke it up and not gain an ounce, but then you have to deal with things like rotting teeth, bad breath from the rotting teeth, turning yellow from a dead liver, balding and a ton other gross stuff. So after all that you would probably think that I never went through anything like that huh. Well, I may not have done the cutting thing or the puking thing, but I did do the not eating thing. One day, I looked in the mirror and decided that I didn’t like what I saw and that I had to do something about it right away. I would have hot tea or hot coffee for breakfast, lettuce for lunch, and a tiny bit of whatever my family was having for dinner and that was it for the day. If I got hungry any time in between there I would just have hot tea and call it good. Occasionally  I would splurge and have an egg or two and then feel horrible about it and in turn myself. Because of this I ended up losing about 30 pounds in only two or three months. This caused family and friends to become concerned and whenever they would ask me about it I would get terribly defensive and practically rip their heads off just for being worried about me. Every week my food intake became less and less until one of my very good friends sat me down and told me that if I didn’t start eating normally and change the way that I saw myself, then he would tell my parents and try and get me help.. no matter what that meant. Because of him I tried to change though it definitely is not as easy as it may seem. It has been a little over a year since that and I am still struggling with eating today though I have improved. I could not have done it without him and I am very grateful for having a great guy like him in my life.