So, I was thinking about calling my Birth Mom today, for the first time, but and scared to death. I don’t really know why. I have talked to her online and through texting a lot but for some reason, the phone is really nerve wracking.

The weekend after next, I am going to WA to meet my Birth Aunt and cousins. I’m super nervous about that too! I know it’s going to be a ton of fun though. They are really great and super funny. I have talked to them online a lot too and through texting. I’m going there with my other Birth Aunt (lol) who I have already met. We are taking a train there which will take about 20 hours!! Insane! haha That should be interesting.

If anyone has ever gone through anything like this or has any advice, please share. :)

Any ideas on what to do when you can’t sleep at night that doesn’t involve going out???

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you…. The one who turns to his friends and says, ‘that’s her.’” ~Unknown

I recently found this site and think it’s pretty cool. Let me know what you think.

http://feministing.com/

Anyone have any advice on how to get over an ex??

“When I first saw you, I was afraid to meet you. When I first met you, I was afraid to kiss you. When I first kissed you, I was afraid to love you. But now that I love you, I’m afraid to lose you.” ~Anonymous

“You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose.” – Jo Courdert

The day before yesterday, I broke up with my boyfriend. We had been going out for four months and I like him more than I have ever liked anyone. The only problem was that it was the most difficult and painful relationship that I have ever been in. I am 18 and he just turned 30. He lied to me about being married. He has two kids, one of whom he sees all the time. He was always busy and never had time for me. He made me feel really guilty for wanting to be with him. He has a ton of great qualities though: he made me feel incredibly safe, BEST kisser ever!!, opened doors, super funny, everyone loves him, etc. I don’t really know why it lasted so long or why I’m so sad that it’s over, I just know that it’s for the best and he may be the best guy that I’ll ever meet. I always had to hide him because if my parents found out, they would kick me out and I have absolutely no money to speak of.

I feel horrible because right after I broke up with him, I went to hang out with a friend who ended up kissing me and telling me that he likes me. What’s weirder is that they have the same name. I feel like I shouldn’t be moving on so fast but at the same time, maybe that’s exactly what I need to do. I don’t really like this guy all that much (and he’s a HORRIBLE kisser) but maybe I just need to give him a chance and see where it goes. He is unlike anyone I have ever dated or even liked. Maybe it’s just time for a big change in my life.

Aside from all of that, I am weaning myself off of Klonopin at the moment but haven’t taken it at all in the last three days after taking way too much just the day before that. I am really scared that I’m going to crash again but don’t really know what to do. I don’t want to end up in the ER like last time but don’t want to tell anyone what’s going on. The new guy in my life at the moment, has no idea about any of my problems and I think I want it to stay that way. My last boyfriend knew absolutely everything there was to know about it and it just caused him to worry which probably didn’t help the relationship at all. So maybe, if I just don’t tell this guy, he won’t have anything to worry about and it can maybe last a little bit longer.. I don’t know.. If anyone has any advice on anything, please let me know. I feel like I’m slowly going crazy.

“Dream as if you’ll live forever. . . . . Live as if you’ll die today” — James Dean

“And that is how change happens. One gesture. One person. One moment at a time.” – The Far Sweet Thing, Libba Bray